Military Hysteria
by cutemonic fox
Summary: the person who did fullmetal alchemist parody,here's Military Hysteria you find out what these people do when the cameras'are off , Havoc has a brother?,Armstrong looses his muscles,and why is Roy so obcessed with cheese, and tuna?Chapter 8: AIDS?
1. Chapter 1:Havoc's Brother

**MILITARY HYSTERIA**

**CHAPTER 1: HAVOC'S BROTHER**

Havoc was sitting at his desk writing a letter:

**_Dear Brother_**

**_So far the Military has been good to me. Yet. People are getting shot, wounded soldiers, Roy still wants to be the Fuehrer still, so, nothings changed. Riza still looks like a cross-dresser, Breda? Still a Blimp, Falman still can't open his eyes', actually. How can he see? He never even blinked before! How in the hell does he know what we look like? When he's never opened his eyes? It's kind of weird actually, and Fuery? Still a scaredy cat, I think Fury should hook up with Scheska! I think they would be perfect for each other! Think about it! They both wear glasses! See! Perfect! Armstrong still looks like he takes steroids. Hell! Maybe he is! And me? I'm still the laid back person you've always worshiped._**

Havoc stops writing and taps the pin on his chin, and started to think:

**_Oh yea! I've been with a lot of sexy women lately ones with coke bottle bodies, short, tall, thick, (but not fat), and ones with big boobs, flat. Yep! I've been with them all! I can't help that a cigarette makes me look so sexy! I can't help that I'm such a babe magnet either! Actually, I try to give Ed tips but he keeps refusing to take them, even though we all know he likes Winry, and yes Ed is still short legged and his brother Al is still in a tin can, so, he can't swim. But don't worry; Ed will come to me for tips when he's ready._**

Havoc stops writing again, he then gets another thought he wanted to put on paper

**_And that guy, Hughes, He so damn obsessed about his daughter! He brings pictures of his daughter Elysia everywhere! Has he ever thought that maybe nobody gives a crap? I mean honestly! It gets tiresome sometime! Sometimes I wish I could just burn those pictures, but then he would just get a camera and take more. Sigh. But other than that the Military is actually not that bad, just less killing would make it better. Well I hope I here from you soon._**

**_Love, your brother Jean_**

**_Ps. when you get older you should try to join the military, so we can be together!_**

Havoc then stopped writing; he stared at the paper for along period time then slammed his head on the table " I just remembered, I don't have a brother."

* * *

Havoc is such an idiot, I promise that the next one will be hilarious I chuckled all day at church by the thought of it. 


	2. Chapter 2: It's not how it sounds like!

**MILITARY HYSTERIA**

**CHAPTER 2: IT'S NOT HOW IT SOUNDS LIKE**

Roy, Riza, and Lt Ross were sitting in Roy's office not really doing anything except being lazy, while the others were out doing something "Hey, Lt Hawkeye, I heard that something happened outside the military building and they caught it on the cameras and they wanted us to identify these people. They put it on my desk, can you please go put in the VCR for me?" Roy points to the VCR hazily.

Riza was reading a book "why can't you do it yourself?"

Ed was fuming down the hallway with anger "I'm getting tired of his shit, this is the last straw I'm getting Roy a piece of my mind. How dare he give me a mission on my brother's birthday!"Ed started to stomp down the hallway with speed "He probably didn't know!" yelled Havoc. "Please Mr. Elric calm down" says Armstrong; also running after Ed.

"NO, I'm tired of it!"

"Well, can you do it later, he's doing probably something very important!"

"I care less what he does." Ed was about to open the door to Roy's office until he heard a sound form a male voice.

"Come on Riza put it in"

"Do it yourself Colonel" Riza stayed looking at her book

"Aww, come on, I know what to"

"What makes you think I want to?"

"Because I'm the higher up and your suppose to listen to what I say"

Riza closes her book "Doesn't mean because you're a Lieutenant Colonel and I'm just a Lieutenant, doesn't mean you can abuse that power."

"Fine, I'll do it myself " Roy grabs the tape form the desk "be a bitch!" Riza throws her book at his head "what the hell is your problem!"

"You don't call me bitch!" Riza snatches the tape out of Roy's hand "Next time you call me a bitch instead of a book hitting your head it's going to be a piece lead out of my gun!" She walks toward to the VCR

"Naw, since you didn't want to put it in I'll put in" he snatches the tape

"I'll put in!" she snatches it back

"No, I'll put in!"

"I'll put in!"

Ed, Armstrong, and Havoc are outside the office hearing every word that was going on in the office. "What...the. Hell" says Ed in a disgusted tone.

"Oh snap, Roy getting on with his woman" says Havoc in a impressed tone "beta' write down some tips" Havoc pulls out a notepad

"You are sick Havoc and Armstrong aren't you going to stop-" Ed sentence was interrupted by Armstrong's massive sparkles

"Now that's what I call a real man," Armstrong cried

"ALL OF YOU ARE SI-" Ed was interrupted by a 'sshhh' from Havoc and Armstrong "sick" mumbled Ed in annoyance

Lt. Ross was getting tired of the constant bickering, so she stomped her foot on the ground and yells "Damn it, I'll put it in, just shut the hell up!" She snatches the tape from Roy and Riza's clutches

"What, Lieutenant Ross?" yelled Ed?

"Roy is so lucky, he gets threesome" Havoc started to scribble down notes "make. sure...the..women..puts..it..in"

Armstrong sparkles quickly fell "he's not a man, he's not a man at all, he's just a sick person", "THANK YOU!" yelled Ed and satisfaction

"Since you acting like kids, I'll put it in, and no butt's about it," yelled Ross

"But" they both stuttered

"I said 'no buts'!"

Lieutenant Ross walked to the VCR and tried to push the tape in but it wouldn't go in "It won't go in!" grunted Lt. Ross

"Use force" suggested Roy

"I'm am it won't budge, either this is to small or too big" she pointed to the tape "or this might be too old" she pointed to the vcr "I had since I was a kid and I loved it when I first got it by my dad." gloated Roy

"Well either you need to throw it out, or get a upgrade" suggested Ross "or this isn't going to work."

"I can't throw it out it was a birthday gift from my dad, it's too special to me".

"Well I guess we have to try later then".

"I guess we will".

Riza was sitting at the desk not really listening to there conversation she said hazily "Hey Roy can you pour some milk in my coffee?"

"Sure, see I'm going to do something without complaining".

"Shut up, and give me some milk".

"What did she say" whispered Ed, "I don't know, shut up, and maybe we'll be able to hear," replied Havoc.

Roy got the milk from the desk and started to pour it in Riza's cup "Your going to slow hurry up pour it in faster".

"Don't rush me this is a delicate proseizure"

"Faster".

"I said don't rush me."

"Aghh, faster!"

"I said don't...rush. Me".

"FASTER!"

Havoc was writing down notes like crazy" keep..the...women...wan...ting...more".

"O god this is so wrong!"

"Yes it is...Mr. Elric.yes it is."

"ROY!" whined Ross.

"Hold on Lieutenant Ross I'll get to you in a minute!"

"You suck Roy" insulted Riza.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?" yelled Roy, as he poured milk all over Riza's head "YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF!" "WHAT?" Riza grabbed a milk carton and tried to throw it on Roy but she accidentally hit Lieutenant Ross

"WHAT THE HELL?" yelled Ross, wiping the milk off with her sleeve

"You know what I had enough of your immaturity!" yelled Riza. She grabbed Lt. Ross's hand and slammed opened the door that Havoc, Armstrong, and Ed was behind "Come Ross we don't need this!" She looked at all the guys "you need to talk to Roy about showing women respect before he ever gets to speak to me again!" She stomped down the hallway; still holding Lt. Ross's hands'

Roy poked his head out "FINE! Leave! See if I care you'll come back! they always comeback!" Roy then looks at the guys "What the hell you want?"

The guys quickly bust down the door where Roy was standing at "what the hell is your problem?"

"YOUR MY HERO!" screamed Havoc

"HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BECOME LIEUTANT COLONEL?" yelled Ed

"YOU ARE A SICK AND TWISTED MAN ROY!" yelled Armstrong

"What the hell are you guys talking about?"

* * *

I love when people mix up the true story with there own accusations please review! XD! 


	3. Chapter 3: Armstrong's Muscles

**MILITARY HYSTERIA **

**CHAPTER 3: ARMSTRONG'S MUSCLES'**

Havoc had left Roy's office, leaving the rest in the fantasy of work "damn I am dry and thirsty, I need something to drink". When he stepped out of the office, he saw a scrawny; possibly overexcite, but dour looking fellow sitting on a bench. "Hello, do you have a meeting with Colonel Roy or something?"

"No Havoc I don't".

"How do you know my name?" now surprisingly shocked about the stranger who knew him, but Havoc had no idea who he was though".

"You don't know who I am do you?"

"No. Not really".

"Well I do look different without my pecks, and gloots, or technically my muscles".

"ARMSTRONG?"

"Yep".

"What happened?" he yelled.

"Well..." Armstrong had explained about why he didn't have his muscles' and why it happened. "I'm sorry Armstrong, I-I didn't know" Havoc had a worried sustained voice.

"It's ok"

"I'll be right back". Havoc walked back into the busy room, and as soon as he closed the door behind him he fell on the floor laughing; his worried expression soon turned into a glee expression. "What in the world is wrong with you?" asked Riza, filling her gun with lead, just incase.

"Arm-Armstrong, no-no muscles, he looks like a freaking tooth-toothpick! Hahahahahhahah".

"Oh I got to see this" Roy said sounding anxious.

All the rest of the subordinates had followed him, excluding Havoc, as he was laughing too hard. They all stuck their heads' out the door slightly, they all saw the skinny, unleveled man sitting on a bench outside, and before Armstrong could see the anxious children peeking out the door they closed it.

They all fell out laughing, they we're rolling. Roy was taking it harder than any body else, he hid behind the desk trying to keep everybody from seeing his laughter slide out his teeth; though he was the loudest one laughing. "O god my ribs!" laughed Roy.

"Havoc, what happened?" laughed Riza.

"He- he told me tha-that the reason h-he didn't have his muscles be-because..."

"Because why?"

"Because he has Cancer!" Havoc screamed out in laughter.

Riza stopped laughing as soon as she heard that, but that phrase never stopped the rest from laughing. "Guys that's not funny he has cancer, he might die."

"Well that would be a improvement" chuckled Roy.

"Colonel that's just cold" says Riza in annoyance.

"Don't worry we won't laugh in his face, just to be good friends and military personnel's' lets go check on him", Roy cleared his throat even though some snickers did escaped. "Now you guys stop laughing, we don't want our laughter to hurt his feelings or break his bones."

"Roy!" yelled Riza.

"Sorry, sorry ok I'll be serious."

All of the subordinates; including Roy, had slowly walked out the room, but Roy couldn't contain himself so he ran right back into the office, as the rest stood in front of the dour man.

"He's just upset" lied Riza "So what did the doctor say?" they could hear Roy's laughter through the white-coated wall.

"Well", sighed Armstrong "They said I had cancer since I was a kid, it's just it didn't take affect until now".

"I bet it did". Riza kicks Havoc in the back of his leg "OW!"

Roy had come out the room, but instead he was walking backwards, so he couldn't see Armstrong and all his so-called glory "I heard the horrible news, I'm really sorry".

"Liar!" mumbles Riza

"I know I look ridiculous, but you can still face me"

"Your right" Roy turns around and as soon as the corner of his eye saw his scrawny little face, he ran against the wall laughing "I'm sorry you looked like god just sucked the life out of you! You look like a damn cu tip!"

"I told you he's upset".

"Well, he must be really upset to laugh at me like that".

"Don't worry "Riza cock's her gun "I'll take care of him later".

* * *

I guess...poor Armstrong...or not, I'm really stupid two reviews please!


	4. Chapter 4: Whats up with Colonel?

**MILITARY HYSTERIA**

**CHAPTER 4: WHATS UP WITH COLONEL?**

Everybody was sitting in Roy's office talking away, as if the world had stopped just for them, actually Roy wasn't even there nor was Riza so all of the subordinates were in the short fantasy of freedom. Then Roy had busted into the room without welcoming.

"Hello Colonel!" greeted Fuery.

Roy quickly shoved his face into fury's "give me your lunch?" demanded Roy.

"What sir?"

"You heard me boy!"

"But sir what do you need my lunch for?"

"Just give it to me".

"Alright" Fuery had reached into a desk and pulled a brown paper bag "here you go" Roy quickly snatched it out of his hand and search through it like he was looking for gold, or something important. He threw the lunch on he floor. "Where's the tuna?"

"Tu-tuna sir?"

"Yes, and where's he cheese?"

"Cheese si-"

"Don't 'cheese sir' me! Don't tell me you don't have cheese!"

"No-no sir I'm lactose intolerant".

"God you are such a nerd, go and get some tuna and cheese now!"

"YES SIR!" Fuery had quickly ran out the door.

Roy slammed in his office chair, his faced looked left in right with paranoia, and he fumbled his fingers up and down.

"ummmm colonel?" asked Falman.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT BAKA?"

"Dang colonel that hurt" whimpered Falman.

"Well listen, I just don't give a f#ck".

Havoc looked at the colonel for a long period of time "awww I see now" says Havoc, "What he hell you talking about Havoc?" says Roy.

"You're going through your mid-life crisis".

"What?"

"Your mid-life crisis, when your hair turns gray, you start to have craving for the most unusual things, and mood swings of course. Colonel your getting-"

"Don't say it Havoc!"

"Old".

"NOOO I'M NOT OLD!" yelled Roy.

Fuery ran up in the office with a gift to present to Roy "here you go colonel, some cheese and tuna like you ordered" Roy quickly slapped it out of Fuery hands "So your calling me fat now?" Fuery stood there shaking, "This tuna LIGHT and this is lactose low fat cheese! What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking you might want to keep your figure si-sir".

"What do I look like a bitch? Go get me some real tuna and cheese!"

"YES SIR!"

"Hurry up slave!"

"Mid-life crisis" teased Havoc.

"I am not old and I'll prove it!"

**NEXT DAY**

Riza was sitting in Roy's chair; technically keeping it warm for his arrival. "Hey where's Roy?" asked Riza while looking at her gun in a slender view "three words, mid-life and crisis" says Havoc

"Ooooh so he's going through that stage already?" asked Riza "yep"

Then a body came crashing through the wooden well-carved door "Yo, you ready to rock!" yells Roy. "Ro-Roy what happened to you?" says Breda. "First stage of mid-life crisis denial of being old, so he is reverting back to his teenage years" says Havoc.

"Quiet pot head! I am young and there's nothing you can say about that!" Roy was dressed up in some dragging black ripped pants; the shirt had ripped sleeves and his hair. O god his hair was spiky at the top and the side of his head was shaved.

"Boy that is a big turn off," says Riza.

"Whatever dike" snapped Roy.

"Did you just called me a dike?" yelled Riza.

"Did I st-studder lesbian?"

"I am not a lesbian!"

"Sure that's what they always say" Roy dwindled his way to the window and pulled out a spray can. "What do you plan on doing with that?" questions Havoc, holding back Riza.

"What do you think pot head? I'm destroying property," says Roy, as if it was normal to make mischief. He started to spray paint the window.

"You have lost your mind Roy," says Havoc.

"Whatever pot head" sneered Roy.

"Stop calling me pot head!"

Roy ignored his comment and continued to paint his masterpiece, when he was done everybody was in shocked of what it said:

_THE FURHRER SUCKS ASS, HE CAN KISS MY LEFT NUT_

"Isn't it rockin? I think this brighten ups the room" gloated Roy. No one had nothing to say they were to stun by Roy's insunbordination. Then Fuehrer Bradley had walked in "I'm just checking up on my hard working mili-" Bradley looked at the graffiti on the window "who the hell did this?" asked Bradley.

"RIGHT HERE! YO THE R. MUSTANG RIDER DID THIS!" yells Roy "Whatcha think it brightens up the room right?" Roy wraps his hands on Bradley's shoulder "is it great or what?"

"Please come with me Roy," says Bradley.

Fuehrer Bradley had walked to the door with Roy following him "see you sucka's later". With that he left with his pride behind him.

"Ok...fifty bucks saying that Roy will be kicked out t he military!" yells Havoc, while slamming his money on the table. "I bet that," says Riza.

"You Riza?"

"Hell yes that bastard called me a dike."

**NEXT DAY**

Roy slump into his office he was wearing his uniform but had to wear a cap on his head. He sat down in his chair wide eyed and scared. "Colonel was did you go? Yesterday you never came back, what did they do to you?" asked Riza

"I cant say what they did just know, what they did cannot be spoken by human words" whispered Roy

"Common Roy tell us," says Havoc. Roy started to cry. "They-they made me-"

"Yes?" says Riza.

"THEY MADE ME WATCH A VIDEO OF ROSEOL DONALD ON A STRIPPER POLE! IT WAS AWFUL!" he cried. "Eww that will make any man want to cry, for me, kill myself," says Havoc.

"Oh my poor baby" says Riza, while hugging Mustang. "It was awful Riza! Awful! I told them to stop but they wouldn't do it! They wouldn't!" sobbed Roy "It's ok Roy Roseoll Donald is lesbian anyway so you have nothing to worry about" says Riza.

"Al-alright" sniffed Roy.


	5. Chapter 5: Making bets 1

**MILITARY HYSTERIA **

**CHAPTER 5: MAKING BETS (1)**

Roy was sitting in his office, and he was feeling kind of hungry so he decided to get the packed lunch from his drawer. He reached into it to find an empty lunch bag, his tuna sandwich, gone! His drink, gone! His desert, gone! Roy was furious.

"You ate my lunch!" he slammed the drawer.

Ed walked in with Breda following behind him. Roy glared at Breda. "What's up with you?" says Ed, while chewing in something.

"Quiet! Breda where's my lunch?"

"Your lunch sir?"

"Don't start that with me! I know your fatass ate my lunch!" Roy slammed up from his chair, and got in Breda's face.

"But sir I-"

"Look at you looking all triumphant and full!" Roy scoffed, and looked at Breda up and down "We don't know what you have in there, for all we know women and children might be in that odiferous, ogre, repulsive hag of fat you call a stomach".

Ed looked at the two, still chewing on something.

"Now tell me truth! It'll make it easier on you!"

"But sir I didn't."

Ed pulled out a small cup, and spoon and dug in it "O. my.gosh this is the best desert I ever tasted! Its all caramel and stuff."

"Did you just say caramel?" shouts Roy.

"Yeah! Wow thi-this is soooo good!"

"You bastard! That's my desert you're eating!"

"It is?" questions Edward, with a smirk

"Yeah! You got that out of my drawer you smurf!"

Ed quickly stopped eating at the insult "What was that?" now has an evil crimson glare.

"You heard me you piece of grain"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SOMBODY THATS SO SHORT THAT A PENNY CAN CRUSH ME?" he yelled.

"I never said that! You always making up things to say shrimp!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Pea."

"Shut up!"

"Bottle cap."

"I'm warning you Mustang!"

"Ok then fine! Lets make a bet! You can't eat any food for the whole week! All you can eat is milk, or drink!"

"Gasp! No way!"

"Fine then! Smurf!"

"Your on! And you cant call me any short names!" he yelled.

" If I win you have to refer me as the 'almighty Mustang ruler of all people'!"

"And if you loose?" asks Ed' still angry with fury

"I'll stop calling you any names that has to deal with your height, forever" says Roy

"Alright fine!" Ed agreed

"No body cares about my feelings" whined Breda.

"Quiet lard!" they both yell in unison. Breda kept his mouth shut

* * *

The past five days were murder to Ed! He was starving! All he could eat or drink was milk! He hated the Colonel more than ever now. He was reducing to nothing but skin in bones. His clothes started to feel heavier and bigger, and he started to feel weak.

On the other hand Roy was enjoying every minute of Ed's suffering. His bones looked so brittle they could brake by a touch of a feather! Roy could eat all he wanted, and he took this as an advantage.

Roy was eating a perfectly cooked steak, and he was enjoying every bite "mmmmm Oh god this is so tender" he took another bite. "AWW ITS MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH!" he praised happily.

"Damn you R-"

"What was that stick?"

"Don't call me stick! Hey! Wait a minute I win!"

"No you don't. You said any names that have to deal with being short. I didn't call you short" he continued, while taking a bite.

"Mann I'm so hungry!" Ed fell on the ground.

"You want a bite?" offered Roy.

Ed so wanted a bite, but he had to stay with the bet. "Ye-no I don't want any!"

"Alright then" Roy kept eating "O god! Aww-aww man this is so good! Aww man it's so juicy!" Roy bragged.

"Grrr I hate you!" Ed whispered.

* * *

It was day six, and Ed was lying on the ground unable to move.

"Sir this getting out of hand" whispered Riza "Ed has to go on a mission today, and the condition he's in-" Riza looked at the body; it looked dead and dour.

"Eww I think your right Hawkeye," agreed Roy.

"Hey full metal?" says Roy, as he walks up to the non-moving body "eat this you need it" Roy pulled out a sandwich.

"N-no"

"Eat it that is a command! You're not going to be dying on my floor! You have to go on a mission!" he pestered

"I said no! I am not loosing this!"

"This is serious! Eat it!"

"No!" Ed screamed, while keeping his head to the carpet, as he was too weak to lift it up

"Ugh!" Roy gave up.

* * *

On the last day, finally! Ed was able to eat; still didn't drink any milk. Roy opened the door to his office with a key "I wonder if full metal is still on the floor" says Roy, as he unlocks the door.

"What is that sum- O MY GOODNESS!"

Roy dropped the key, as he saw Edwards's body. His body looked desecrated, flies were eating at it, rats and cockroaches fled under Roy's desk. Ed smelled horrible. "Fu-full metal?" Roy stuttered, as he walked up to the corpse. He kicked it. No movement. Ed's body was really bony and brittle, _CRACK _"Oh f#ck!" screams Roy.

Havoc walked in "good morning Colo-SWEET MOTHER OF FART!" Havoc almost fell on the ground "Wh-what happened!" yelled Havoc, as he walked up shocked and disturbed.

"Its all my fault! I didn't mean too!" yelled Roy.

Havoc started to back up to the door

"Where are you going!" yelled Roy, as he slammed the door and locked it. "You will NOT tell anybody Havoc!"

"But si-"

Roy put up his glove "Now Havoc! You go get some shovels out the closet!" now with a crazed look on his face, "And you will meet me in the woods wont you Havoc?" says Roy.

"Your crazy man! Your crazy!" screamed Havoc.

"You tell anybody Havoc..." Roy puts his glove in Havoc's face "your death will be slow and painful" smirked Roy.

"Ye-yes sir!" shuddered Havoc.

"Now go get the shovels from the closet!" demanded Roy, as he picked up decaying body.

Havoc ran to the closet

**THE NEXT DAY**

"Roy have you seen Ed?" asks Riza "I haven't seen him since hat little bet."

"No" says Roy, as he looked at the newspaper.

"Have you Havoc?"

"I, uh"

"Yes. Have you seen Ed Havoc?" Roy looked up from his paper

Havoc shook his head reluctantly "N-no I haven't!"

"Ok then" says Riza

Roy glared at Havoc, and mouthed 'if you tell'.

Havoc started whimper "wahahhah" he whispered, "I didn't even do anything!"

"What?" says Riza.

"Nothing!" yells Havoc.

Riza gave a suspicious look.

"Havoc meet me outside please," says Roy.

"But why?"

"Now!"

Havoc slowly shuffled his feet, as he started to cry.

* * *

Well now ya know! DONT make bets that end up you or the person your betting dead. See ya later!


	6. Chapter 6: HavocxRiza?

**MILITARY HYSTERIA**

**CHAPTER 6: HAVOCXRIZA?**

**There is another chapter to making bets but I wanted to do this first hope** **you enjoy!**

* * *

Roy was driving his royal blue vehicle, verrucated street after verrucated street trying to get to his destination. He finally got there with two uniformed and eagerly ready to go personnel's awaiting for their carriage to drive them to their usual working place. Roy unlocked "It kind of aberrant that both of your vehicles broke down."

"Good morning Colonel and sorry to put you through such trouble" smiled one personnel.

"Its ok Havoc" sighs Roy.

"Good morning sir" a female stepped in the automobile.

"Good morning Lieutenant Hawkeye."

Roy drove the humming vehicle down the street. He looked at the rear view mirror and saw the two Lieutenants' get kind of scanty or close for other words. "Hey you two are getting kind of enclosed back there," says Roy as he scuffled a little.

"Oh. Sorry sir" says Riza.

"I guess we'll have to wait after work," sighs Havoc.

"What do you mean 'wait after work?'" scorned Roy, as he stayed looking at the rear view mirror.

"Oh you didn't know?" exclaims Riza, as she put her palm on top of Havoc's.

"Know what?" Roy was slowly getting on rage "Would you like to fill me on this Havoc?" Roy slowly turned his face to the back, facing Havoc. His faced looked plain, but he was more than plain at this point.

"Me and Riza are going out" she collapsed his palm on top her hand.

"No I didn't know that." Roy stayed looking at Havoc and expression didn't change.

"Well you should have, everybody else does. I just want to say Riza is the perfect women."

"Aww shut up Havoc you don't mean that," giggled Riza.

"No I'm serious! I've been going out with no good women who leave with what I have, but now I found the perfect women! And she was in front of me this whole time! I'm glad I found her first before anybody else'."

"Oh Havvy that sweet."

"Havvy?" says Roy "So how long have you two been going out" Roy stayed looking at Havoc with an 'I'm pissed but you don't know it look', he didn't take one eye off of Havoc, his faced stayed turned to the back.

"Uh for a good few months, uh hey Roy don't you think you should turn around and look at the road?" worried Havoc.

"No I want to know more" Roy pressed his foot on the gas.

"What the hell Roy? Turn around!" yelled Havoc.

"No were going to do a suicide drive."

"SUICIDE? WHAT THE HELL! WHY? " Screamed Havoc.

"Havoc...you took Riza from me."

"WHAT?"

"What?" says Riza.

"I wanted Riza and you just came out of nowhere" he started to speed up, still looking back.

"ROY THIS IS CRAZY!"

"So did you tap it?"

"NO!"

"Oh really?" He started speed up more.

"What are you talking about Havoc? We did it yesterday."

"Shhhh!" Havoc tried to cover up Riza's mouth.

"So did he did it good" Roy stayed looking at Havoc.

"Man! The best experience of my life!"

"Really now?" Roy pushed the gas more.

"Riza you're not making this any better" shuttered Havoc, as Roy stares deepened. "Oh yeah baby do you know I am expecting?" says Riza, as she looked at Havoc.

"WHAT? That was a one-night stand! I used condom!"

" Well I took it off in the moment of passion."

Roy floored it then, "I see" is all he said, his faced stayed neutral. "PLEASE COLONEL YOUR GONNA KILL US!" cried Havoc. Havoc reached for the door and pulled it, but Roy locked the door.

"The soldiers that fight together die together" he said simply.

"WHAAA! Riza tell him!"

The speeding demon got dangerously close to the dock "Tell me what?" Roy was still looking back at Havoc

"April fools Roy!" she screamed.

Roy screeched the vehicle at the edge of the dock, without even looking forward "What?"

"APRIL FOOLS ROY" he sobbed, "APRIL FOOLS! IT WAS A FREAKIN JOKE!"

"Riza?" Roy finally looked at Riza.

"Yes, Sorry sir we wanted to get you for once."

Roy hair overshadowed for a moment "uhhh C-colonel" Havoc stuttered.

"Oh you guys are so funny!" he yelled, making Havoc and Riza jump "HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH! You got me good! What a joke! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I...uh."

"Come on lets get to work" he looked forward and swerved the car, away from the edge

Roy eye's traveled back to the rear view mirror, he quickly stopped the car making Havoc's head impact to the front window "One thing Havoc April fools day to you too."

* * *

I guess Roy still kinda hurt. Can't take a joke I guess there is another April fool's joke coming though


	7. Chapter 7: Getting married?

**MILITARY HYSTERIA**

**CHAPTER 7: GETTING MARRIED?**

Roy stared out the window from his chair "this so beautiful I could stare at it forever. You know what? I think I will" you could see the sun beaming on his ravened colored eye's. Until his peaceful moment was ruined by a door moving open. "Well that ended quickly." he twisted his chair "good morning lieutenant. How was your night?"

"It was excellent sir, just waiting for somebody"

"Would you mind if I ask who?"

"No I don't I'm waiting for Havoc"

"Why?"

"No reason just waiting"

Roy didn't really care, but he was always noisy. The another sound from the door " good morning Colonel, Riza." Havoc greeted. Riza walked up to Havoc and gave him a strong kiss on the lips "good morning." she smiled.

At this time Roy was confused. The he thought about it and smirked _another April fools joke. Ha! They ain't going to get me on this again. _"So you guys are going out?" he says, while setting his chin on his hand.

"Oh sorry Colonel. I know we April fools you last time and we would like to apologize about that" he laughed. "Sure" Roy said in a unbelievable tone.

"Oh Riza you left your bag at my house." Havoc smiled warmly.

"Oh thank you Havvy!" she kissed him on his cheek, and took the bag from his hand. Havoc blushed. Roy rolled his eyes _another joke, they ain't going to get me they need to stop trying._ Roy grabbed his pen and started to click on it annoyingly.

"Your giving him pet names now Riza?" says Roy, as he examined his pen

"Yeah I guess" she laughed, so unlike her. Riza looked through the front pocket where she usually put her pens. But her hands felt something thicker than a pen. She pulled it out "Havvy what is this?"

"Open it" he gestured.

She did and her eyes lit up "Riza would you...?" Roy looked up from his unimportant task. "marry me?" Roy was now eye widen by his proposal to Riza. MARRIAGE! he thought out loud.

"Of course. How could I say no?" she screamed happily, while hugging him tightly. "Did you hear that Colonel me and Riz-"

"Yes I was right there when you just said it" he cringed.

"Oh alright..." Havoc paused for a minute. "Come on Havvy I'm so happy lets go tell everybody else! Sir would you like to join in!"

"No" he said coldly.

"Ok then! Lets go Riza!" he yelled, while they both ran out the hallway. They ran around the corner and stopped breath really heavy breaths. "Havoc...if...you make me sound...like a blond hill valley town girl one more time...I'll kill you!" she threatened, between breaths.

"I'm not the one that was kissing, Oh thank you Havvy!" he mocked "where the hell did you get Havvy from anyway?"

"Quiet. You wanted to be believable so I gave you a pet name." she said.

"I should tell my real girl friend to call me that."

"Lets just say April fools and get it over with" she said, while running the hallway, with Havoc following her. They both bust open the door "APRIL FOOLS RO--O MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" they both yelled. Roy was standing on the edge of the window. He got lift but was being tangled back by a arm around his waste and and one on his legs.

"What the hell are you doing man?" yelled Havoc while keeping his grip around his waste.

"Colonel this is stupid don't do this" Riza said, while keeping a really firm grip on his leg.

"Riza you can't get married...if you do I'll kill myself." he trudged again but the grips around his leg and waist were too strong. "Stop! It was another April fools joke man!" Havoc yelled. "Damn you have issues!"

"Another...joke?" he said in a dumbfounded tone.

"Yes sir why would you think I wanted to get married to him? He smokes" she said, keeping her grip. "Honestly! Look at her why would I even try to get married to her?" he said.

Riza looked at Havoc hazily "...Roy get down...now" she said sternly. He did. "Havoc get up there"

"But I-"

Riza shot at his feet, and he quickly got up there. "So you calling me ugly?" says Riza. "I never said that!" he screeched. "That's not what I heard. Were on the fifth floor you can die if I shoot you off, and you know that"

"HUH?"

"Apologize"

"But I didn't call you ugly!" he cried.

Riza shot at the side of the window where Havoc hand was keeping him steady, he flailed to keep his balance, but sadly fell and was hanging on deer life on a pole of a flag that was jutting out of the said of the building.

"Apologize...now" she said coldly.

Roy sat at his desk, as he heard Havoc squeals and cries from the left of his ear. "bastard" he said. He looked at Riza and smiled, and continued to play with his pen.

* * *

"XD Roy sure has something for Riza! Ha! Review! 


	8. Chapter 8: Aids?

**MILITARY HYSTERIA**

**CHAPTER 8: AIDS?**

**Sailor Star Super: Emma **

**Writer 25: Avalon**

**These girls asked to be in military hyseria if you would like to be in any of my stories like these girls the application is at the bottom!**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Excuse me Colonel?" interrupted Havoc, from Roy's work

"Yes" answered Roy

"We have a new subordinate that will be with us" says Havoc

"Really now?" Roy said annoyed "Well, what's his name?" Roy asked, "Actually it's a girl" Havoc corrected

"Shit, that's what we need more womanly touches around here" Roy quickly looked around to make sure Hawkeye wasn't lurking anywhere near "Well what's her name?"

"My name is Emma! I'm glad to be working in your presents Mr. Mustang! Sir!" She stood there tall and stout wearing jeans, red tank top a her hair showed proudly with a gleaming brown glowing side pony-tail

"Don't kill yourself it's nice to meet you" chuckled Roy.

She smiled as he curly brown hair shined in the light and her blue eyes twinkled in delight, she had a crazed smile on her face.

_This girl is nice but kind of too happy _Roy smiled he looked at her again and his eye went wide _fuck that this girl looks crazy! _Roy sighed for a minute. "Well it's nice to meet you" Roy smiled "So what are you into Emma?"

"Well I'm a kind of fanfic author and I love to act, sir!"

"Maybe you should let me look at your authored so-called "fanfics" sometime" says Roy. She smiled nervously "Uh yeah right..."

"How old are you Emma?"

"I'm fourteen!"

"These alchemists are getting younger and younger aren't they?" Roy sighed, as he rubbed his head. Roy paused "Havoc be sure to register this a girl a uniform" ordered Roy

"Yes sir"

"Also-" Roy paused. "Havoc…"

"Yes sir?"

"I thought you said I had a new subordinate not subordinates" says Roy.

"I did"

"Then who the hell is that?" Roy pointed to the girl behind him

. "Oh yeah! Oh I forgot!" Havoc laughed, Roy sent dangerous signals towards Havoc.

"And your name is..?"

"Yo! My name is Avalon! I am ready to serve under you Mr. Mustang!" The girl smirked, as she slung her giant HKM4 with a 145 inch barrel it was about 5.56 mm over her right shoulder, her shotgun sat on her left shoulder, and as a hand gun was hanging from her belt. She wore a black shirt and boots, red belt and white arm socks she also wore dark sunglasses, her hair was purple and short.

Roy grew a huge sweat mark appeared on his head "so what are you into?" Roy asked

"Well" she started "I have two other jobs I'm a teacher and as you can see a bounty hunter"

"A bounty hunter eh?" Roy nodded his head "Your skills can be very useful, so what are not into?"

"Well I can't stand those 7 deadly sins because they destroy and blow up shit! It's like damn if you're going to break people's homes than at least fixing it! Damn! And also…" she blushed "not….getting…laid" she murmured

Havoc looked with a surprise look "You too? Thank god I'm not alone in this world! We have so much in common! We need to talk more!"

Roy cleared his throat "Havoc…." He grimed, Havoc smiled nervously "never mind…"

Avalon smiled "It's alright! But anyway! I-"during Avalon's sentence one of her weapons let loose and landed on Emma's foot.

"Piece of shit!" Emma yelled, while rubbing her foot "Your fuckin weapon landed on my fuckin foot you tard! That was my bad foot too! I should go fluff-a-nutter on your stupid ass!" she screamed

"Hey cool your jets it was accident" Avalon picked up her weapon with ease, her rage quickly turned in shock "You can pick up that heavy thing?" she asked.

"It's amazing what you can pick up when you've been picking shit like me" Avalon smiled.

Roy stared at Emma _what the hell happened to the happy-crazy attitude she just had, great another Ed in our mist, short tempered._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Hughes grabbed the phone and called Ed "I hope he ready for this" he sighed

"_Hello?"_

"Hey Ed!" says Hughes

"_Oh what's up Brigadier General Hughes?"_

"I got your doctor results back today!"

"_Oh that's ok! I don't need to know I feel great!"_

"Well the thing is Ed..." Hughes sighed "You have aids"

"_WHAT!" Ed screamed _

"That means you fuck everything that moves" says Hughes

"_Bu-but how can that be I'm a virgin!...Shit"_

"The thing is it's not HIV its full blown aids"

"_Oh my god!" wailed Ed "How can this be?"_

"I have no idea"

"_Hughes I need time to think about this" sobbed Ed, as he hung up the phone_

Ed was in Resembool, as soon as he got off the phone he screamed and cried and ran upstairs, Al followed "Brother? What's wrong" he asked in concern

"Al, Hughes just told me I had full blown aids!" he screamed

"It's alright brother I still love you" Al said

"But I'm going to die Al!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Holy shit! These are Roy's results not Ed's!" laughed Hughes, "Really?" says Havoc "Yes!-I-I mean that's terrible" he tried to play off terribly "I guess you need to call Ed back and tell him you made a mistake"

"Nahh I'll tell him when he gets to Central" says Hughes, "But I guess somebody needs to tell Roy"

"Oh! Oh! Let me tell him! Let me be the barrier of bad news!" ranted Havoc, "Ok but tell me his reaction is!" grinned Hughes

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How in the hell did I get stuck with these idiots" whispered Roy, as he stared at the two girls, as they continued to talk. Havoc walked in once more, "yes Havoc" grimed Roy. Havoc came up tot him and whispered in his ear.

"WHAT?" screamed Roy.

TO BE CONTINUED..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

XD! That was fun! Please review also if you want to be in any of my stories like those two please fill this out!

What story you want to be in:

Quote:

Gender:

Name: (fake or real doesn't matter)

Gay/straight

Job:

Attitude:

Hates:

Likes:

Age:

What are you going to be: human/homunculus/chimera/ Neko/ alchemist ECT.

Hair color:

Eye color:

Usual wear:

Extras: (anything you would like to add)

I have also added two more new of my AMVS if you would like to my profile if you would like to watch!


End file.
